Ung...it's 4am and I can't sleep. It is one of the few times living in this area that it is quiet. For someone used to the noise of three highways and millions of people, I can never tell if I like it or if it's scary, lol.
It is time to be honest with ourselves, we know we are hurting, we know what ever problem we are having has stuck around for a while now and we know we are miserable. It's time to change our thinking from "Why is this happening to me?" to "What am I going to do about it?"
This is a tough one, but one that is absolutely vital to getting better. No major war has ever been won on defense, and that is what most of us are doing. We react when our problem gets bad. We get hit by the problem and then we scramble to survive the hit. We do everything just to hold on to that walk outside, time with our children, the ability to get through another hour without crying. And truth be told we have become very good at it. But that is NOT the time to fight.
Fighting that way allows us to go on but never improve. We are at the whim of our anxiety, addiction of whatever circumstance is hurting us. The time to fight is in those quiet rare moments where we actually have a little strength to breathe and move. I know you don't feel like struggling in the one moment you don't have to, but I am sorry to tell you that it's true.
Let's take health anxiety as an example. If for four years you have been afraid to go out to much, have skipped meeting with friends or missing time with your children, then something isn't right and it is not changing. Lying there barely able to live isn't doing anything but making you miserable.
The problem is your brain has taught you, lied to you, and told you that you can not do it, that you may die, that you are weak. I promise you, beautiful person, those really are lies. Not only are they lies but you have lived through them a thousand times. How many times has your brain screamed "Stop you can't do this!" or "OMG, if you do that you are going to die!" And yet, you are still here.
Let me ask you this now, how many times would your best friend have to tell you those obvious lies, before you stopped talking to them? Four? Are you a saint, maybe 15? And yet our brains have told us "We can't", "We are not strong enough", "We are going to die!" thousands of times, yet you still believe it. It is amazing how self destructive we are and that includes myself before anyone thinks that sounds holier-than-thou. I am right there with you, that's how I know this stuff. I wasn't taught it, I AM living it, just like you.
So how do we take the fight and beat this? Well first it's going to be a long fight, get that in your head now. Barring a miracle from God, which does happen, it will be a struggle. We have been living a lifestyle or in a thought process for years that is actually hurting us, and it will take some time to break out. But the good news is this; I believe in you, I know you can do it and honestly my friend, you deserve a win.
The human mind is so capable of adapting to situations, just look at the one you are in right now. You can adapt to this too, but your brain/heart/soul needs proof and this is where goals come in. I will be honest, I hate goals, resolutions, etc. they are just another thing to worry about or feel like I failed at. But if you make small ones I will promise you this, as you succeed, as you start to see you are not powerless after all, it will create a hunger in you for more success, for you old life and to slip out of those chains we have wrapped ourselves in by believing those lies.
If you are agoraphobic and afraid to go outside, then maybe sit on your porch/stoop for awhile. OR make a lunch appointment with friends who understand your problem , this way if you have to leave they will understand and support you. If you need to take some meds but are terrified of taking new meds (me), then ask your doctor if he would mind you sitting in his office waiting room for an hour after taking the new med. (I do this and it helps me.) If you are an addict to anything admit you have a problem and get help. No one says we have to do this alone. If you and your wife or husband have grown distant, tell them you love them and appreciate and respect them. Respect is a big one, trust me.
Now these may sound trite and easy, and maybe they are but that is because I don't know your personal situation and I am being generic. Please, I would love to hear your goals in the comments and maybe that can give others in your situation some ideas too. We are all enriched by your sharing!
While I may not know your situation, I DO know as your mind sees, time and again, that you CAN do these things it will start to believe them. As the saying goes, The proof is in the pudding.
One of the things I hate the most about this blog is telling people they need to fight even more when they are already exhausted enough to drop, but it's true. We need to change the way that we spend our precious energy so we can break this illness and anxiety. It breaks my heart to say all that, but you are so very precious and wonderful that I promise the feel of wind on your face, the sound of your spouse or children laughing and your own peace of mind is worth it. You truly are a wonder my friend, it is time to see that again.
I want to ask you to do something else, that is SOOOOO corny, but I would love to know that you did it. Go up to a mirror and look at yourself. Look at all your imperfections, all the tiredness, all the hurt you know that hides behind your eyes and say, "I still think you are beautiful and worth it." Please say that, I wish I was there to say it with you, because one of the biggest lies we believe is that we are NOT worth it or beautiful or special. Even if you have not heard those words in a long time, I am telling you them and I am telling you, they ARE the truth. You rock and I am in awe of the strength it took to get you this far.
So let me know in the comments what goals you can set to beat this crap in our lives. It also lets me know people are reading this and it helps others too.
Be well my friends, you are beautiful and God does indeed love you.
Frank
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