So what happens when it seems you will never break out?

     Good morning from lovely urban New Jersey! I know it has been awhile but I wanted to stop in and see how you are all doing. So it has been about 5 weeks since my last post, where I told you all I was feeling very depressed. Guess what? I'm still feeling that way. Mine is more of a situational one though, and after taking a good long look in the mirror last night, I thought to myself, "What if your problems don't go away anytime soon?" I looked around my small apartment, "Is this it? Is this the sum of your being?"

     So I got on my knees and asked God for strength. I got off my knees and used the strength I already had and you know what happened?  Nothing yet, lol. Still depressed but I feel the old fire coming back. Each time I talk to you I call you warriors, because that's what you are. Warriors who struggle sometimes every day for what seems like months, years or decades. If we (I) don't fight back then we are not warriors, we are victims. I don't want that anymore, not even for a month.

      There are lots of things for me to be depressed about right now. Christmas time is hard, both my parents passed away in December and a dear relative on Jan 2nd. My finances are next to non-existent and like many in America, maybe everywhere, contrary to what the media would have you believe the true job market is horrible to worse.

     But I made a mistake, I let it overwhelm me. As if my shoulders were broad enough to handle all this alone. I got depressed, I let my good habits, like setting goals slip, and I wallowed. So last night I finally got sick of it. I know many of you are better at breaking out of the dark than me, but I also know there are some who have been trapped so long they have forgotten the light. So I am going to tell you the same thing I always say, Keep fighting! There are others who DO understand. The Holiday season is hard for many of us, instead of visions of sugar plums; it is of ones we lost, or the parts of our lives we lost, that dance through our heads.

     Don't do what I just did, to my sorrow, and isolate yourself. (I am old enough to admit my mistakes). Even if I never post again, you have to know that you are worth this struggle. Otherwise it's pointless isn't it? You are worth it, and so is the joy it will be to others around you to have you back.

     As much as I wish it was otherwise, no one is holding our hand through this, (Except God). We are going to feel alone and tired and sad and hurt. But we have gotten this far, and we will get though this. Not only did I want to check in but I wanted to remind you of how beautiful and worth it you really are. Sorry for my silence, we all get hit hard sometimes, but I am still here, so are you which means every second of every minute is a chance for a new start, for the dream of hope and for a kind word, loving thought and prayer from and for us all.

Frank